Adventures in an igloo

The search for the incredible snowman has been on for years and now the Yeti's seekers have finally hit paydirt.

It turns out that the Yeti has been working as a specialist in economics at the Central Bank of Iceland for the past 4 years under the pseudonym Hairy P. Lothfeld. In an exclusive interview, the incredible Yeti or da Yet Set as he likes being called, claims that he was sick and tired of roaming the snowy hills of Nepal and when the opportunity came, he took the chance at working in a 9-5 deskjob at the bank. "Nobody ever suspected nuttin' but everybody loved my beard" claims a smiling Yeti.

For months the people of Iceland have been demanding the resignation of the three directors of the Central Bank but now it seems that animals rights movements are coming to their aid. "People who trust a fictional snowman to do such a demanding job must be really good people" says Frida Flannel, official spokesperson for the AC/DC animal welfare care foundation.

The bank directors are safe for now due to these breaking news and the Yeti giggles and says: "I was thinking about putting the inflation rate up to 20% today, or who knows, maybe 30% if I'm in a good mood".

Do you think they'll disinfect those blankets and jumpers or have some suicidal guard dogs sniff those socks for traces of anthrax?

I know, I would probably be suspicious if some people that I recently put on my most wanted terrorist list started sending wooly stuff to my country's senior citizens who are freezing to death.

...just to be nice? Hmmm, I'd probably think there was something rotten going on in that container.

Hasn't the Kirkcaldy resident Mr. G. Brown PM ever heard of the Icelandic Killer Sheep?

The Baltic States had the Singing Revolution, the Czechs had the Velvet Revolution and in the Ukraine they had the Orange Revolution.

Now, we've had our own little revolution and succeeded, which is just fab.

But, what should we call it? The abovementioned countries have such cool names for their revolutions, but all I can think of is The Wooden Spoon Revolution or even The Drumming Quality Street Lid Revolution.

Those names just sound ackward somehow.

Wait, Eureka! How about The Helvítis Fokking Fokk Revolution? This of course means literally the goddam fu**ing f**k revolution which best describes the whole situation that led to these events.

Yes, I think that's it.

And now the children of the Helvítis Fokking Fokk Revolution get to vote for some new jokers to pull the strings at Parliament. Yes, it's an opportunity for a whole new generation to mess this country up!

No pepper spray or tear gas has been used today and no "stoned" policeman or sprayed-on protestor has been taken to the hospital either!

In addition, no fires have been lit or public property destroyed and it doesn't look like any windows have been broken in official buildings or that the same houses will need a new coat of paint, new windows or a serious wash tomorrow.

The people are still downtown protesting, clapping, singing, screaming and drumming away on kitchen appliances, but now they wear orange to show that they will not use violence and the riot police has likewise backed off and chilled a wee bit. Who knows, they might even get a chance to drop by the laundromat with their egg- and milkwashed, spat-on and alltogether beat up uniforms tonight, so that they'll look like a fresh summer's day at the protests tomorrow.

I'm very, very happy about this but at the same time I feel sorry for the window installers, painters and house washers. Those poor bastards will be idle tomorrow- and they thought they'd finally hit paydirt!

Are you a politician? Are you sick of the general public bitching and moaning and people in general being completely ungrateful and obnoxious towards you and all the great stuff you're doing for yourself and your friends?

If your answer is "Yes" to all these questions, Denile might be the place for you.

Denile is a calm and almost soothing place with the perfect population of 63 since 1984. Well, we've actually had some problems in the past with the lefties (pardon me, that word made me throw up in my mouth a little bit) who are always up to no good and keep demanding new elections.. AS IF!

Anyway, Denile is just the greatest place ever, like completely and totally! If you're hungry there's a mob that feeds you. It's unfortunately a rather simple diet that consists mostly of eggs and sometimes soggy tomatoes and milk if you've been distributing pepper spray between your subjects, but the mob means well.

Also, there's always a crowd around ready and willing to give your crib a complete overhaul, mostly in uneven red paint however.

We've also got plenty of stuff for the musicman in Denile and there's always a lot of cute little people jumping around outside singing and chanting some sort of ode to the government, while banging on their little drums made out of stuff from their cute little kitchens.

So come on down and enjoy the good life.

If you're not tempted by the little town of Denile pop. 63, you most certainly are in denial!

Want more? Here's an update and another one.

"God, I wish the new year would bring some excitement and extraordinary things into my life" she thought to herself as she sat at the breakfast table and poured more coffee into the holy grail with one hand while plunging the spear of destiny into the half full jar of blueberry jam with the other hand without even realizing...