Tuesday, January 16, 2007
And you thought I was weird!
I have been under attack for years because of the Icelandic semi-pagan Christmas rituals and stories of 13 evil Santas, their cannibalistic momma Grýla and the Christmas Cat. My foreign friends have made fun of us Icelanders for our peculiarities and this has caused major mental trauma in me and my re-thinking of the meaning of Christmas.
My Spanish and Greek friends have been especially eager to ridicule our innocent and sweet, almost pixie-like Christmas characters. But boy oh boy, vengeance is mine; and a sweet one it is!
You see, I spent the holidays in the lovely city of Madrid or Madilli according to a billion Chinese people. As the Icelandic, Spanish, Greek, Argentinean, Canadian, Portuguese and what-have-you-nots were sitting around a beautifully decorated new-years table chewing on an ever so ugly monkfish, my Spanish friend started telling the others about how messed up the Icelandic Christmas was. Unfortunately this friend has gotten a wee bit confused about Icelandic myths, so she claimed something like: “Did you know that all Icelanders wear necropants over Christmas while they eat wealth-challenged youngsters and try to avoid the Christmas Cat?” O.K. it wasn’t that bad but you get my point right? #wink#.
To my amazement, the Canadian started spilling the beans on Spanish Christmas customs and I must admit that my reply could only be “and you think we’re weird?” So, I will try to put this delicately…ahhh, who am I kidding- this can’t be put delicately, so here goes: The Spanish (at least in Catalonia) have a Christmas character called the…are you ready…SHIT-LOG!
Now this needs a little bit of explaining. The Spanish put up a log (tió) in their house before Christmas and they feed it regularly (how do you feed a peace of wood?). They paint a face on the Shit-log and place a red hat on its erm head and put tiny peaces of wood under it to serve as legs. Then on Christmas Eve, they put a bag over its “arse” filled with presents. The next thing is even weirder; you see the kids gather round and beat up the shit-log and sing songs encouraging it to shit presents. Seriously people, isn’t this a tad bit weirder than Icelandic Christmas?
The Shit-log revelation made me curious, so I decided to try to dig up some dirt on the Greeks too and I discovered something that put a smile on my face: The Greeks have evil Santas too! According to my sources, the Greek Santas are even meaner than the Icelandic ones, you see they crawl down people’s fireplaces and put out the fires by pissing on them! Can you imagine how that’s going to stink up the house? These guys are really ugly and freakish and like da ladies a lot and the Greeks tend to keep black chicken to scare them away. And here’s the best part; If you have a baby on Christmas, it will turn into one of those Greek Santas because it’s sinful for women to have babies at the same time as the blessed virgin.
I will repeat this one more time just because I like to: “AND YOU THOUGHT MY CHRISTMAS WAS WEIRD!!!!!!!!”
My Spanish and Greek friends have been especially eager to ridicule our innocent and sweet, almost pixie-like Christmas characters. But boy oh boy, vengeance is mine; and a sweet one it is!
You see, I spent the holidays in the lovely city of Madrid or Madilli according to a billion Chinese people. As the Icelandic, Spanish, Greek, Argentinean, Canadian, Portuguese and what-have-you-nots were sitting around a beautifully decorated new-years table chewing on an ever so ugly monkfish, my Spanish friend started telling the others about how messed up the Icelandic Christmas was. Unfortunately this friend has gotten a wee bit confused about Icelandic myths, so she claimed something like: “Did you know that all Icelanders wear necropants over Christmas while they eat wealth-challenged youngsters and try to avoid the Christmas Cat?” O.K. it wasn’t that bad but you get my point right? #wink#.
To my amazement, the Canadian started spilling the beans on Spanish Christmas customs and I must admit that my reply could only be “and you think we’re weird?” So, I will try to put this delicately…ahhh, who am I kidding- this can’t be put delicately, so here goes: The Spanish (at least in Catalonia) have a Christmas character called the…are you ready…SHIT-LOG!
Now this needs a little bit of explaining. The Spanish put up a log (tió) in their house before Christmas and they feed it regularly (how do you feed a peace of wood?). They paint a face on the Shit-log and place a red hat on its erm head and put tiny peaces of wood under it to serve as legs. Then on Christmas Eve, they put a bag over its “arse” filled with presents. The next thing is even weirder; you see the kids gather round and beat up the shit-log and sing songs encouraging it to shit presents. Seriously people, isn’t this a tad bit weirder than Icelandic Christmas?
The Shit-log revelation made me curious, so I decided to try to dig up some dirt on the Greeks too and I discovered something that put a smile on my face: The Greeks have evil Santas too! According to my sources, the Greek Santas are even meaner than the Icelandic ones, you see they crawl down people’s fireplaces and put out the fires by pissing on them! Can you imagine how that’s going to stink up the house? These guys are really ugly and freakish and like da ladies a lot and the Greeks tend to keep black chicken to scare them away. And here’s the best part; If you have a baby on Christmas, it will turn into one of those Greek Santas because it’s sinful for women to have babies at the same time as the blessed virgin.
I will repeat this one more time just because I like to: “AND YOU THOUGHT MY CHRISTMAS WAS WEIRD!!!!!!!!”
# posted by Björkin : 12:19 PM
Comments:
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Omg, I fucking love your blog, it's one of the few things in my momentarily mixed-up life that regularly makes me laugh out loud. I think you should publish it and get rich soon, and then come and see me in whatever shithole I'm at at the moment. Or, alternatively, I might just steal your fabulous Christas 'data' and do it all myself! ;-)
We aim to please precious!
I am thrilled that my rantings shed some light in your anthropogenic existence. I must say though that my life and random info seems quite dull in comparison to your cliffhanger tales of South American roads.
I am thrilled that my rantings shed some light in your anthropogenic existence. I must say though that my life and random info seems quite dull in comparison to your cliffhanger tales of South American roads.
ahem...your christmas is still weird. =)
THANKS FOR THE XMAS CARD...was a bit disappointed it did not feature one your kooky xmas characters =/
Miss ya!
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THANKS FOR THE XMAS CARD...was a bit disappointed it did not feature one your kooky xmas characters =/
Miss ya!
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