Tuesday, December 05, 2006
The Christmas Craze
So it’s almost that time of year again. Holiday madness lurks around ordinary households and the average Joes and Josephines go berserk when struggling to make ends meet. Adverts fill up the mailbox and everyone’s simply got to get new stuff or perish.
Everybody’s forgotten about that little fellow who entered the world about 2000 years ago and only wanted worldwide love—no stupid, not John Lennon! If he were alive today (which would make him seriously old, even older than Methuselah who died at a whopping 969 years) me finks he would probably go to the mall and break windows of greedy merchants.
But since there’s little chance of that happening in the near future, I just avoid the mall at Christmas time, well actually at all times but that’s another story. So while avoiding Christmas mania I choose to take walks in the still weather and winter sun and wait for winter solstice when my peeps burn a symbolic goat; yeah I know, the whole Christianity thing never really caught on here on my rock.
I also tend to watch old videos to get in the mood and here’s a list of my favourite movies:
Home Alone Little Kevin is all alone with Joe “evil” Pesci trying to get in. The little fellow screaming gahhhhhhh is so adorable and the guy who plays his dad is kinda hot.
The Santa Clause Tim Allen gets really fat after killing Old Nick. Have a fruit for god’s sake Santa!
Die Hard Bruce Willis kicks German terrorist butt in a Japanese skyscraper. “HO-HO-HO now I have a machine gun!” Major bonus: Run DMC sing a Christmas tune. This is the holiday movie to set the mood for the entire family.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation I call myself Clark W. Griswold when I go overboard with 10,000 Italian twinkling lights. “It’s a full-blown four alarm holiday emergency here. We’re going to press on and have the hap hap happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat wide ass down that chimney tonight, he’s going to find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.” A must see!
While You Were Sleeping OK, Sandra Bullock as a sad spinster that nobody notices…hmmm, not really. Nevertheless such a cute flick and one of my favourite actors, Bill Pullman, plays the object of Sandra’s affection.
Scrooged Bill Murray is a genius, a bleeding genius man! The scene where the props man is trying to attach antlers to a mouse is just incredible. Props man: “I can’t get the antlers glued to this little guy. We tried Crazy Glue, but it don’t work”. Bill Murray: “Did you try staples?” Hilarious stuff!
Blackadder’s Christmas Carol Blackadder gone good? There’s got to be some mistake. Very nice twist on Dickens here.
Gremlins If you’re dumb enough to feed those little furry cuties after midnight on Christmas, you will get what you deserve. I can still remember the microwave scene and the Gremlins’s Christmas carolling.
The Ref Denis Leary as a cat-pee smelling burglar taking Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey hostage; you just can’t lose. Denis later pretends to be a psychiatrist: “There’s a lot of wackos out there”. “You call your patients wackos?” “Yeah, erm, they like it.” This movie is so filled with sarcastic and black humour, what can I say, I just love it to bits.
Jingle All the Way Why is a movie with Sinbad and Arnold Schwarzenegger on my list? Well, Phil Hartman is in it and he was a comedy genius. Schwarzenegger’s line: “Puz zat cookie doooown” is also the reason why this movie made my list.
Now if I have forgotten essential movies that put one in the right mood for the silly season, don’t hesitate to comment.
And finally: PUZ ZAT COOKIE DOOOOWN!
Everybody’s forgotten about that little fellow who entered the world about 2000 years ago and only wanted worldwide love—no stupid, not John Lennon! If he were alive today (which would make him seriously old, even older than Methuselah who died at a whopping 969 years) me finks he would probably go to the mall and break windows of greedy merchants.
But since there’s little chance of that happening in the near future, I just avoid the mall at Christmas time, well actually at all times but that’s another story. So while avoiding Christmas mania I choose to take walks in the still weather and winter sun and wait for winter solstice when my peeps burn a symbolic goat; yeah I know, the whole Christianity thing never really caught on here on my rock.
I also tend to watch old videos to get in the mood and here’s a list of my favourite movies:
Home Alone Little Kevin is all alone with Joe “evil” Pesci trying to get in. The little fellow screaming gahhhhhhh is so adorable and the guy who plays his dad is kinda hot.
The Santa Clause Tim Allen gets really fat after killing Old Nick. Have a fruit for god’s sake Santa!
Die Hard Bruce Willis kicks German terrorist butt in a Japanese skyscraper. “HO-HO-HO now I have a machine gun!” Major bonus: Run DMC sing a Christmas tune. This is the holiday movie to set the mood for the entire family.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation I call myself Clark W. Griswold when I go overboard with 10,000 Italian twinkling lights. “It’s a full-blown four alarm holiday emergency here. We’re going to press on and have the hap hap happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat wide ass down that chimney tonight, he’s going to find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.” A must see!
While You Were Sleeping OK, Sandra Bullock as a sad spinster that nobody notices…hmmm, not really. Nevertheless such a cute flick and one of my favourite actors, Bill Pullman, plays the object of Sandra’s affection.
Scrooged Bill Murray is a genius, a bleeding genius man! The scene where the props man is trying to attach antlers to a mouse is just incredible. Props man: “I can’t get the antlers glued to this little guy. We tried Crazy Glue, but it don’t work”. Bill Murray: “Did you try staples?” Hilarious stuff!
Blackadder’s Christmas Carol Blackadder gone good? There’s got to be some mistake. Very nice twist on Dickens here.
Gremlins If you’re dumb enough to feed those little furry cuties after midnight on Christmas, you will get what you deserve. I can still remember the microwave scene and the Gremlins’s Christmas carolling.
The Ref Denis Leary as a cat-pee smelling burglar taking Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey hostage; you just can’t lose. Denis later pretends to be a psychiatrist: “There’s a lot of wackos out there”. “You call your patients wackos?” “Yeah, erm, they like it.” This movie is so filled with sarcastic and black humour, what can I say, I just love it to bits.
Jingle All the Way Why is a movie with Sinbad and Arnold Schwarzenegger on my list? Well, Phil Hartman is in it and he was a comedy genius. Schwarzenegger’s line: “Puz zat cookie doooown” is also the reason why this movie made my list.
Now if I have forgotten essential movies that put one in the right mood for the silly season, don’t hesitate to comment.
And finally: PUZ ZAT COOKIE DOOOOWN!
# posted by Björkin : 3:41 PM
Comments:
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OMG, I must see that film!! It's an embarrassment really to admit that I never have, given that Arnie and I are almost from the same place.
I've got another one for your list, though: Bad Santa, with Billy Bob Thornton as a disgusting drunken Santa impersonator who robs malls with his midget accomplice. Not only a must-see for anyone obsessed with midgets (and I know there are a lot more of you than one would think), but generally impressive for the way Thornton manages to make his character likeable despite having no redeeming features whatsoever.
Can't wait to go home on the 18th, this December heat is killing me!
I've got another one for your list, though: Bad Santa, with Billy Bob Thornton as a disgusting drunken Santa impersonator who robs malls with his midget accomplice. Not only a must-see for anyone obsessed with midgets (and I know there are a lot more of you than one would think), but generally impressive for the way Thornton manages to make his character likeable despite having no redeeming features whatsoever.
Can't wait to go home on the 18th, this December heat is killing me!
Ég myndi setja The Nightmare Before Christmas þarna inn líka. Hún er yndisleg. Verð samt að setja spurningmerki við tvennt: "the guy who plays his dad is kinda hot" Er þetta ekki djók? John Heard? Og "one of my favourite actors, Bill Pullman" hlýtur líka að vera djók. Er það ekki? Plís segðu að þetta sé djók...
Já Börtoninn er snilli og þessi mynd á svo sannarlega heima þarna. Sko, Home Alone is náttúrulega 20 ára gömul og pabbinn hefur eflaust látið á sjá síðan en ef ég ætti 5 börn og risastórt hús eins og hin einnig rauðhærða Catherine O'Hara þá myndi ég vilja eiga þennan pabba fyrir mann-hann er bara svo traustur í þessu pabbahlutverki (fyrir utan að fara til útlanda og skilja 8 ára barn eitt eftir sko).
Bill Pullman er bara dásamlegur, hvort sem það er sem maðurinn sem elskaði Ellen nógu mikið til að brjóta sinn eigin fingur, eða sem forseti USA með þrusuræðu í Independence Day, Lost Highway og síðast en ekki síst fyrir snillann Zero Effect. Púllarinn rokkar!
Bill Pullman er bara dásamlegur, hvort sem það er sem maðurinn sem elskaði Ellen nógu mikið til að brjóta sinn eigin fingur, eða sem forseti USA með þrusuræðu í Independence Day, Lost Highway og síðast en ekki síst fyrir snillann Zero Effect. Púllarinn rokkar!
Ok, það sem mér finnst verulega creeeeeeepy er að pabbinn í Home Alone myndunum minnir mig á mág þinn.
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