Monday, July 03, 2006
The real reason Iceland was settled
I did a little roundtrip with a wee tent recently. The destination was beautiful Scotland. During my two year stay in this magnificent country I have often wondered why those silly vikings abandoned the warm and fruitful hills of Caledonia for a windy and freezing cold rock in the middle of the North Atlantic. It simply didn't make sense and I came to the conclusion that my ancestors had a nasty attitude and a bad sense of humour; I mean, Iceland isn't exactly the land of milk and honey if you catch my drift. On day two of my camping trip however, it dawned on me that Hagar the horrible and the rest of them were just a clever, clever bunch of murderers and villains; living in Scotland defies all logic! The real reason for the vikings' departure wasn't the militant natives or anything of that sort, it was the midgies. Those little bloodsucking creatures made my camping experience a living hell! They are tiny little flying bastards and they sucked me dry every darned day (I swear I heard them giggle as they flocked around me and poured poison into my bloodstream). Thirty bites on my forehead alone is just ridiculous! And the itching, oh, the itching, I can't even begin to desribe how miserable I was, sniff sniff. Being an environmental historian, I have always been opposed to bug spray and weed killers, but after the nights of a thousand midgies I say DDT 'em all!
I have the utmost respect for the Scots who have survived with theses miniature vampires for thousands of years and my experience has made me re-appreciate my native land; a land that is too cold for flying pests like midgies. I thank my viking ancestors for making life fly free and cold for their unborn offspring. Give me locusts, give me wolves, give me a thousand Loch Ness monsters; all of them put together are just a joke in comparison to the real Scottish monsters...
Alas! My legs will never be the same again.
# posted by Björkin : 12:17 PM
