Sunday, December 24, 2006
Happy Christmas near and far
Dear friends
I wish you all a happy Christmas and a good new year.
I always get a bit sentimental around this time of year...even the adverts from the Post office bring tears to my eyes. Must get a grip, must get a grip aaaahhhhhh!
Those of you who live in colder climates; don't forget to feed the little birdies--they are so cute and hungry out in the cold.
Love
Björkin, who'll definately have a run in with that blasted Christmas Cat this holiday season
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
The Christmas Craze
So it’s almost that time of year again. Holiday madness lurks around ordinary households and the average Joes and Josephines go berserk when struggling to make ends meet. Adverts fill up the mailbox and everyone’s simply got to get new stuff or perish.
Everybody’s forgotten about that little fellow who entered the world about 2000 years ago and only wanted worldwide love—no stupid, not John Lennon! If he were alive today (which would make him seriously old, even older than Methuselah who died at a whopping 969 years) me finks he would probably go to the mall and break windows of greedy merchants.
But since there’s little chance of that happening in the near future, I just avoid the mall at Christmas time, well actually at all times but that’s another story. So while avoiding Christmas mania I choose to take walks in the still weather and winter sun and wait for winter solstice when my peeps burn a symbolic goat; yeah I know, the whole Christianity thing never really caught on here on my rock.
I also tend to watch old videos to get in the mood and here’s a list of my favourite movies:
Home Alone Little Kevin is all alone with Joe “evil” Pesci trying to get in. The little fellow screaming gahhhhhhh is so adorable and the guy who plays his dad is kinda hot.
The Santa Clause Tim Allen gets really fat after killing Old Nick. Have a fruit for god’s sake Santa!
Die Hard Bruce Willis kicks German terrorist butt in a Japanese skyscraper. “HO-HO-HO now I have a machine gun!” Major bonus: Run DMC sing a Christmas tune. This is the holiday movie to set the mood for the entire family.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation I call myself Clark W. Griswold when I go overboard with 10,000 Italian twinkling lights. “It’s a full-blown four alarm holiday emergency here. We’re going to press on and have the hap hap happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat wide ass down that chimney tonight, he’s going to find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.” A must see!
While You Were Sleeping OK, Sandra Bullock as a sad spinster that nobody notices…hmmm, not really. Nevertheless such a cute flick and one of my favourite actors, Bill Pullman, plays the object of Sandra’s affection.
Scrooged Bill Murray is a genius, a bleeding genius man! The scene where the props man is trying to attach antlers to a mouse is just incredible. Props man: “I can’t get the antlers glued to this little guy. We tried Crazy Glue, but it don’t work”. Bill Murray: “Did you try staples?” Hilarious stuff!
Blackadder’s Christmas Carol Blackadder gone good? There’s got to be some mistake. Very nice twist on Dickens here.
Gremlins If you’re dumb enough to feed those little furry cuties after midnight on Christmas, you will get what you deserve. I can still remember the microwave scene and the Gremlins’s Christmas carolling.
The Ref Denis Leary as a cat-pee smelling burglar taking Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey hostage; you just can’t lose. Denis later pretends to be a psychiatrist: “There’s a lot of wackos out there”. “You call your patients wackos?” “Yeah, erm, they like it.” This movie is so filled with sarcastic and black humour, what can I say, I just love it to bits.
Jingle All the Way Why is a movie with Sinbad and Arnold Schwarzenegger on my list? Well, Phil Hartman is in it and he was a comedy genius. Schwarzenegger’s line: “Puz zat cookie doooown” is also the reason why this movie made my list.
Now if I have forgotten essential movies that put one in the right mood for the silly season, don’t hesitate to comment.
And finally: PUZ ZAT COOKIE DOOOOWN!
Everybody’s forgotten about that little fellow who entered the world about 2000 years ago and only wanted worldwide love—no stupid, not John Lennon! If he were alive today (which would make him seriously old, even older than Methuselah who died at a whopping 969 years) me finks he would probably go to the mall and break windows of greedy merchants.
But since there’s little chance of that happening in the near future, I just avoid the mall at Christmas time, well actually at all times but that’s another story. So while avoiding Christmas mania I choose to take walks in the still weather and winter sun and wait for winter solstice when my peeps burn a symbolic goat; yeah I know, the whole Christianity thing never really caught on here on my rock.
I also tend to watch old videos to get in the mood and here’s a list of my favourite movies:
Home Alone Little Kevin is all alone with Joe “evil” Pesci trying to get in. The little fellow screaming gahhhhhhh is so adorable and the guy who plays his dad is kinda hot.
The Santa Clause Tim Allen gets really fat after killing Old Nick. Have a fruit for god’s sake Santa!
Die Hard Bruce Willis kicks German terrorist butt in a Japanese skyscraper. “HO-HO-HO now I have a machine gun!” Major bonus: Run DMC sing a Christmas tune. This is the holiday movie to set the mood for the entire family.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation I call myself Clark W. Griswold when I go overboard with 10,000 Italian twinkling lights. “It’s a full-blown four alarm holiday emergency here. We’re going to press on and have the hap hap happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat wide ass down that chimney tonight, he’s going to find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.” A must see!
While You Were Sleeping OK, Sandra Bullock as a sad spinster that nobody notices…hmmm, not really. Nevertheless such a cute flick and one of my favourite actors, Bill Pullman, plays the object of Sandra’s affection.
Scrooged Bill Murray is a genius, a bleeding genius man! The scene where the props man is trying to attach antlers to a mouse is just incredible. Props man: “I can’t get the antlers glued to this little guy. We tried Crazy Glue, but it don’t work”. Bill Murray: “Did you try staples?” Hilarious stuff!
Blackadder’s Christmas Carol Blackadder gone good? There’s got to be some mistake. Very nice twist on Dickens here.
Gremlins If you’re dumb enough to feed those little furry cuties after midnight on Christmas, you will get what you deserve. I can still remember the microwave scene and the Gremlins’s Christmas carolling.
The Ref Denis Leary as a cat-pee smelling burglar taking Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey hostage; you just can’t lose. Denis later pretends to be a psychiatrist: “There’s a lot of wackos out there”. “You call your patients wackos?” “Yeah, erm, they like it.” This movie is so filled with sarcastic and black humour, what can I say, I just love it to bits.
Jingle All the Way Why is a movie with Sinbad and Arnold Schwarzenegger on my list? Well, Phil Hartman is in it and he was a comedy genius. Schwarzenegger’s line: “Puz zat cookie doooown” is also the reason why this movie made my list.
Now if I have forgotten essential movies that put one in the right mood for the silly season, don’t hesitate to comment.
And finally: PUZ ZAT COOKIE DOOOOWN!
